I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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