We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize