She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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