So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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