Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
