you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
