I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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