the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
