corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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