North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
