If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
