So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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