Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Actions speak louder than pants.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
