Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
