the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
