I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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