Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
