Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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