So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
