I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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