Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love having hate sex.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
