There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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