There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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