I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
