Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
