I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
