You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
