I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
