Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
