Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
