Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
