he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
