he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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