My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
from now on my penis is your penis
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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