I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
