those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
