Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
