zippers are such a cool invention
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
