Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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