I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
