i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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