Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
