I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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