I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
