When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
