there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
