He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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