Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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