Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
