He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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