If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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