you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
