yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
birth control should be required to get into college
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
