i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
