I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
