You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
